How was my feeling about it?

I was mad with rage.I really anguished and blinked away my tears.I had never felt so let down.How could they do this on me?I tried to keep myself occupied so that i would forget the whole incident.Damn....I try as my might,I could not get it off my mind.No,I will not forgive those "suckers".
I borned to be like that,so how could i change it?No choice,it is what the God gives me,I can't do anything on it.PLS....PLS...dont compare me with XXX,it is absolutely FUCK if u guys tried to do that.Sob...sob...sob...I seethed with hatred when it is going to happen on me.I felt like a drowning man.
Why it is so unfair for me?It likes a pail of cold water pouring down from my head.My heart sank into deep despair."U must be confident with it".Shit,what the hell is that,just a stupid words.I could not bear such torture.It is totally made me like a lunatic.
I was exhausted with watever I have done.It was totally useless.Even the ppl u trusted the most will be the ppl who hurted u the deepest.But i still that believe ppl so much.May be i am too kind.It is so cruel to me.
I dont like to be clown.I must show my jubilant face in front of u n accepet watever u guys have been said.Damn idiot,that is not wat i want.U will never ever know my feeling.
Sometimes,i deeply appreciated the advices and counselling which are always very practical and down-to-earth.However,it does not mean that i should rely on it,right?I have my own reasons.